hey hey hey. 

I feel like writing something. Within a week, I will face my exam. This is fucking scary k. I used to be quite calm but being in pasum, it makes me crazy, seriously.  Whatever. Forget about pasum. I'm tired talking about it and it's always depressing when I talk about pasum.

Just so you know, I had an incredible 3 weeks with him. hehe. He completely cheered me up, made me laugh and everything that is related to happiness. 

I'm really glad we managed to spend time together. However, I'm scared,really scared. He's gonna be away for months. It scares me a lot.

Hello. I'm so emo now. I'm not feeling motivated and I feel so depressed right now. I feel like screaming and throwing things but of course, that's impossible to do. I don't know but I'm lost now. I'm so confused with myself. I'm so lonely in um. I'm not happy but I don't have the perfect words to describe my feelings. It's complicated.

The worse part, I don't even know how to express my feelings to my parents. I don't think they will understand and having thoughts about it will just bring tears and even more tears. I can't cry in front of them, it will just give more stress but all I wanna do is cry and cry and cry as hard as I want without saying a single word. I don't really know myself right now. I feel like a stranger to myself. 

I've just started my second semester. The fear is too much. I'm scared if I can't handle any failure but of course, there will be failures along the way but come on, I just can't deal with them anymore. Failures, it's too painful for me. It can straightaway shut me down. I totally screwed my first semester but I gave my best shot during the final examination. Of course, I think I didn't do well but I'm still hoping for a miracle. The results will come out in two weeks time and it's bothering me every second of the day. I'm at my vulnerable state. 

I can't keep thinking like this but it's not easy to let go. I don't know. I don't know. I JUST DON'T KNOW.   I can't imagine telling my parents about my results. I'm so scared to receive it.

Ya Allah,please help me. Guide me to the right path. I feel so lost right now. Please help me. Please.

hello.

Let's just say that I feel like writing now. I'm having my semester break and I'm so stressful.

Things keep repeating no matter how much I try to avoid it. I really wish I could change myself,seriously. People are so good in making new friends, just like when we were kids. I never have that. I seem to be cold to people but I guess I'm not good in interacting with new people. It reminds me of Seseri. When I first entered Seseri, I had a fucking difficult time to fit in and accept new people in my life. It took almost a year for me to finally feel like I'm there. Lol. I know, I'm so bad in this. What to do -____-"  Things like this affect me physically and emotionally I guess. Haih. I try so hard to be strong but I ended up in tears. :'( I don't like this. I dont want this to affect my studies. My mid-semester exam is on this coming Monday and I gotta be honest. I did study but I don't think it's enough. I never think it's enough. Lol. I feel the same way during SPM and my result was not that good. :/ I don't want this to happen again. I want to be cheerful. Sometimes I feel so fake :( ahhhhhh, I need to get my head straight.Please pray for my exam. I need your prayers, I'm really scared.

After a week staying in UM, I gotta say that I'm actually enjoying myself. I guess it's because class has not started yet.hehehe :p Honestly,it's much better than Seseri, in terms of freedom. LOL. 

So yeah,Congrats to my friends who got MARA!:) All the best,I'm so happy for them. I applied but I didn't get it. I guess it's not my call. Everything happens for a reason.I believe in that. I'm just gonna be an optimistic person. I'm gonna work my ass off to score 4 flat for my asasi,insyaAllah :) Class is gonna start tomorrow. I'm so excited but I'm feeling seriously nervous and I'm scared that I'm gonna be sleepy. That's my biggest weakness.HAHA.

Seremban was a BLAST!GAHHH, HAD SO MUCH FUN WEYH!BEST SIOTTTTTT!HAHA. :p 

Seriously,the journey was a bit funny. I guess my friends and I (ESPECIALLY Maryam and I) don't have the luck when it comes to riding KTM. HAHAHAHA. 

Let's see. I haven't been updating my blog since forever.hehe.I'm truly sorry for that because my life had been SUPER BUSY and I just happened to be not in the mood for blogging. Sigh. Lol. Whatever. This is just a place for me to write out my thoughts,confessions, and such.  

I didn't get Petronas scholarship :'( Well, I'm still in the waiting list but my chances are really THIN. I lost hope but at the same time, I'm hoping for a miracle. Whatever it is, Allah knows the best for me. I got great news after spending one whole night crying hysterically. -.- Lol. I got the offer to study at Universiti Malaya :) Alhamdullilah! I didn't want to enter IPTA unless I got UM and Allah granted my wish. I'm so thankful for that! Everything happens for a reason. I guess engineering is not meant to be. The good thing about getting PASUM, I can still choose which course I will take after completing PASUM. Of course, my result for PASUM will be considered so yeah, I'm putting a promise to myself that I will try my VERY BEST to achieve the highest. Well,at least till I reach the requirements. I'm still waiting for MARA's result after the interview. The interview was okay but I can't put my hopes too high.I'm just gonna wait and whatever the result is,I will just have to accept the news with resilience. Of course,I want the MARA SO BADLY THAT I CAN'T EVEN DESCRIBE IN WORD HOW MUCH I DESPERATELY WANT IT. I don't have the power to make a decision. So yeah, just go with the flow and pray for the best :)