Hello. I'm so emo now. I'm not feeling motivated and I feel so depressed right now. I feel like screaming and throwing things but of course, that's impossible to do. I don't know but I'm lost now. I'm so confused with myself. I'm so lonely in um. I'm not happy but I don't have the perfect words to describe my feelings. It's complicated.

The worse part, I don't even know how to express my feelings to my parents. I don't think they will understand and having thoughts about it will just bring tears and even more tears. I can't cry in front of them, it will just give more stress but all I wanna do is cry and cry and cry as hard as I want without saying a single word. I don't really know myself right now. I feel like a stranger to myself. 

I've just started my second semester. The fear is too much. I'm scared if I can't handle any failure but of course, there will be failures along the way but come on, I just can't deal with them anymore. Failures, it's too painful for me. It can straightaway shut me down. I totally screwed my first semester but I gave my best shot during the final examination. Of course, I think I didn't do well but I'm still hoping for a miracle. The results will come out in two weeks time and it's bothering me every second of the day. I'm at my vulnerable state. 

I can't keep thinking like this but it's not easy to let go. I don't know. I don't know. I JUST DON'T KNOW.   I can't imagine telling my parents about my results. I'm so scared to receive it.

Ya Allah,please help me. Guide me to the right path. I feel so lost right now. Please help me. Please.

hello.

Let's just say that I feel like writing now. I'm having my semester break and I'm so stressful.

Things keep repeating no matter how much I try to avoid it. I really wish I could change myself,seriously. People are so good in making new friends, just like when we were kids. I never have that. I seem to be cold to people but I guess I'm not good in interacting with new people. It reminds me of Seseri. When I first entered Seseri, I had a fucking difficult time to fit in and accept new people in my life. It took almost a year for me to finally feel like I'm there. Lol. I know, I'm so bad in this. What to do -____-"  Things like this affect me physically and emotionally I guess. Haih. I try so hard to be strong but I ended up in tears. :'( I don't like this. I dont want this to affect my studies. My mid-semester exam is on this coming Monday and I gotta be honest. I did study but I don't think it's enough. I never think it's enough. Lol. I feel the same way during SPM and my result was not that good. :/ I don't want this to happen again. I want to be cheerful. Sometimes I feel so fake :( ahhhhhh, I need to get my head straight.Please pray for my exam. I need your prayers, I'm really scared.

After a week staying in UM, I gotta say that I'm actually enjoying myself. I guess it's because class has not started yet.hehehe :p Honestly,it's much better than Seseri, in terms of freedom. LOL. 

So yeah,Congrats to my friends who got MARA!:) All the best,I'm so happy for them. I applied but I didn't get it. I guess it's not my call. Everything happens for a reason.I believe in that. I'm just gonna be an optimistic person. I'm gonna work my ass off to score 4 flat for my asasi,insyaAllah :) Class is gonna start tomorrow. I'm so excited but I'm feeling seriously nervous and I'm scared that I'm gonna be sleepy. That's my biggest weakness.HAHA.

Seremban was a BLAST!GAHHH, HAD SO MUCH FUN WEYH!BEST SIOTTTTTT!HAHA. :p 

Seriously,the journey was a bit funny. I guess my friends and I (ESPECIALLY Maryam and I) don't have the luck when it comes to riding KTM. HAHAHAHA. 

Let's see. I haven't been updating my blog since forever.hehe.I'm truly sorry for that because my life had been SUPER BUSY and I just happened to be not in the mood for blogging. Sigh. Lol. Whatever. This is just a place for me to write out my thoughts,confessions, and such.  

I didn't get Petronas scholarship :'( Well, I'm still in the waiting list but my chances are really THIN. I lost hope but at the same time, I'm hoping for a miracle. Whatever it is, Allah knows the best for me. I got great news after spending one whole night crying hysterically. -.- Lol. I got the offer to study at Universiti Malaya :) Alhamdullilah! I didn't want to enter IPTA unless I got UM and Allah granted my wish. I'm so thankful for that! Everything happens for a reason. I guess engineering is not meant to be. The good thing about getting PASUM, I can still choose which course I will take after completing PASUM. Of course, my result for PASUM will be considered so yeah, I'm putting a promise to myself that I will try my VERY BEST to achieve the highest. Well,at least till I reach the requirements. I'm still waiting for MARA's result after the interview. The interview was okay but I can't put my hopes too high.I'm just gonna wait and whatever the result is,I will just have to accept the news with resilience. Of course,I want the MARA SO BADLY THAT I CAN'T EVEN DESCRIBE IN WORD HOW MUCH I DESPERATELY WANT IT. I don't have the power to make a decision. So yeah, just go with the flow and pray for the best :)

Ahhhhhhhhhhh,nape ramai dh dapat tempat nak study ni?:'( why things are so easy for them?I wanna study.Ya Allah,please lead me to the right path.